straight from the cynic's dictionary

NEUROTIC - Sane but unhappy about it.

NIRVANA - The ultimate extinction of the individual soul; a transcendent state sought by Hindus and Buddhists through right living, although it may be attained more easily by working for a Japanese corporation.

OFFICE- A clean, functional, brightly lit cell inhabited five days a week by diligent souls who forfeit their lives to make a living.

SALARY- A market value assigned to professionals as a function of their scarcity, their usefulness to employers and their ability to feign enthusiasm for their work.

SCHIZOPHRENIA- Not the proverbial split personality, but a long retreat from life's battles and unpleasantness into a shadow-world where the trees have ears, and dogs recite "Hiawatha" in a Swedish accent; considered pathological except among modern poets and performance artists, in whom it may be regarded as the norm.

SMILE- To expose a portion of one's skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.